Feeling Stuck

Every year around my birthday, I get stuck in a bit of a funk…well, last year I didn’t, but it was because I was pre-occupied with Dumbo Double Dare Training.  The training for those races was pumping me with so many endorphins, I don’t think it was possible for me to feel bad.

What makes me feel bad, well, it is simply related to the following:

  1. I am getting older…I’m going to be 34 next month!?  (How did this happen?!)
  2. I am single…when combined with the above, one’s head fills with horrible, negative thoughts and stereotypes of spinsters and dying alone and not being discovered for weeks.
  3. I am not anywhere near having a baby even though I have the desire to have one  (and apparently everyone around me is fertile, happy and growing tiny humans inside of them right now).
  4. I am struggling to find a career path that I can see myself enjoying and learning from…and I’m not sure what to do to fix it and as years pass, it feels impossible to change my career.

I am working hard to not let these feelings mess up my birthday this year.  I have fun things planned on and around my birthday (ie movies – specifically Frozen– in a large local park with smuggled in champagne and s’mores, baking myself an amazing birthday cake, tickets to Wicked with a friend, dinners, a hair appointment).

Life is too precious and I am sick of feeling stuck and unsure of where to take my life because I’m unhappy about these things.  Therefore, I’ve decided to stop wasting time and to start working hard to address these issues.  I may not ever meet my expectations, but I am definitely going to do what I can to work toward them.

A friend recommended seeing a life coach/therapist and gave me a recommendation and I think I’m going to use it.  It will be costly, but somehow it seems worth it if it means I can come to a place of contentment about my life, both where it is now and where it could go in the future, regardless of whether or not that includes a husband and a baby.

So yeah…that’s where my head space is at.   Feeling a smidge bummed, but at the same time hopeful of what is to come.  In the meantime, I have some questions for my dear bloggy friends out there:

  1. Have you ever been to a life coach/therapist?  Was it beneficial?
  2. How do you shake yourself out of a “stuck” place?
  3. How do you find contentment when the big things in life aren’t going your way?
  4. What are your favourite ways to celebrate your birthday?
  5. How do you deal with getting older?  Especially when you don’t feel like you are the age you are turning?!

Much Love,

~Princess Lisa

P.S. Thanks for listening to me vent. 🙂  It is greatly appreciated! Mwa!

 

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37 thoughts on “Feeling Stuck

  1. CAKE. Yay cake!

    But in all seriousness, do you have a pet? You’re never alone with a pet. Naturally they don’t replace a relationship/kids, but they fill their own niche of love. Every time I open my door my cats come to greet me. I never go a day without someone who’s excited to see me, and even if my boyfriend dumped me tomorrow I’d still have that. In the words of Gershwin: no, they can’t take that away from me! 🙂

    • Agreed! Cake is amazing! I’m not sure whether to make an old standard to experiment with something new.

      I can’t have pets (ie dogs or cats) as I have allergic asthma that is triggered by their fur/dander/saliva….not sure which but it is horrible. Otherwise, I would be totally game for the pet thing–I even know what type of dog I would get. lol.

      • You could possibly get around this with allergy meds – which is what I do as I am, technically, allergic to my cats – but I know this is potentially an imposition and not for everybody. How about birds? My friend had a Quaker parrot that she adored; a very interactive animal. Just an idea. 🙂

      • Sadly, the asthma is too intense to get around for longer periods…and I’ve never thought of having birds…do they require a lot of regular maintenance? I travel a lot for work so taking care of an animal could be problematic.

  2. I’m with you. Been meaning to blog too but haven’t exactly had enough time to sit down fully with my thoughts.

    As a fellow Virgo, I too am turning older soon but I got some years on you – 38 this year! If you have those worries…well…

    That said, 34 is still pretty young – you’re still early 30s!

    Never seen a life coach but if it’s something you feel will help you head in the right direction – go for it.

    That said, if it doesn’t fill you with tons of hope…don’t despair either. I think life is full of woes and joys and right now, you’re in the lumpy part. It’s about getting past it to the other side. And unfortunately, whether you are with child and hubby or not, this is something you combat for the rest of your life. I say this only because I came to the realization that no matter what situation we are in (ideal or not), we are humans and we are always wanting.

    Not sure about you but some of my friends who I feel are in relationship situations I would like to be in have told me that they’re not exactly happier or better of than me. It’s just different. What we all want is intangible and it seems so much better when we are the outside looking in but it’s all hard and it’s all easy.

    Life is very much about timing and right now, maybe this is where you are supposed to be. My single gal pals (a few older than I) have wondered much about this but it also doesn’t stop us from having fulfilling lives. I know that seems like I’m compensating but the older I get, the more I realize how much societal expectations have imposed themselves into my psyche. Also, if nobody else around me is judging my situation, why am I so hard on myself?

    Well, cuz we’re human. And you are too. It’s a struggle always but your birthday will rock cuz you will have planned a super bash and you’ll be great.

    Another year can seem scary but being older also means acquiring some measure of wisdom. So be well and if you’re down now, it’s ok. Ride it out until you start to ride high again. Hugs buddy!

    • I don’t know if seeing a life coach/therapist (the person that was recommended is both) is going to change anything, but I feel like I need to try, at the very least, bouncing my issues off of someone who is completely neutral and see what their insights are. I figure it can’t hurt anything but my finances. lol.

      My friend Lynn has said the same thing…about relationships not being better, just different than being single and both lifestyles have their positives and negatives. And you are def. right…that life is about riding the waves of good and bad…and if I am being honest, despite feeling a bit left out and lonely (as very few of my friends go out after 6pm anymore), things aren’t really bad in my life.

      Thanks for the pep talk! You always provide the greatest perspective and advice. Also, happy early birthday! Cheers to us Virgos! 🙂

  3. 01.Have you ever been to a life coach/therapist? NOPE. I look at it as a major accomplishment if I can figure out my messed up head all on my own. So there.
    02.How do you shake yourself out of a “stuck” place? Make a list either in my head or on paper of all the things I am lucky to have in my life at that very moment in time. Then compare it to others who have nothing. PERSPECTIVE
    03.How do you find contentment when the big things in life aren’t going your way? Knowing that i am lucky enough to have a hubby who keeps my head on straight, a dog who keeps all my secrets – not that there’s that many or even that interesting – and knowing that i have the ability to move and breathe when so many others can’t.
    04.What are your favourite ways to celebrate your birthday? What else? A trip to my closest Mouse!
    05.How do you deal with getting older? Especially when you don’t feel like you are the age you are turning?! I think I’m capable of doing alot more that others my age. I see pics on FB of people from high school and alot of them are heavy, sick, or just plain miserable. I still feel like I’m in my 20’s half the time with a little more to spend on margaritas! Half the time I have to try and remember how old I actually am. Perhaps that is “middle age” catching up with me, but the beauty of it is I really don’t care. I lost my dad at 18 and from that day on, I told myself I would never live going to my grave with regrets for not doing something. Your life is what you make it chica, and no one can “make” that life except you. And a few supportive, somewhat insane #Chewsday chicas! 🙂 XOXO

    • I think that the things that kept me going yesterday was everyone’s lovely support and the fact that got my heart pumping, the sweat pouring and my lungs bursting. I tried to carry that with me all day–simple gratitude of being healthy, able to move and knowing that I have amazing friends who support me and like me just as I am, regardless of whether or not that is a guy or baby on my arm.

      I still don’t know what to make of my life–especially since it’s not going like everyone elses…but part of me wants to take advantage of that and just do something…what that something is though…I have NO idea. lol.

      P.S. Very jealous that you get to spend your birthday at Disney. I want to do that one day! 🙂

  4. I have a good friend who was in your position a few years ago. She was also very motivated to have children and didn’t want to adopt or otherwise start a family as a single parent. She didn’t go to a life coach; rather she invested in a traditional matchmaking service. (By traditional, I mean not internet-based. She didn’t upload photos of herself or shoot a video or anything like that.) From how she described it, the matchmaker met with her over lunch or whatever and they had an in-depth discussion about her goals and desires. She didn’t fill out any questionnaires or personality tests; the matchmaker relied on in-person observation to get a good feel for her personality and whom would be a good match. My friend was a little discouraged at first because it was a good 5-6 weeks before the matchmaker set her up on a date, but that was because she was really holding out for someone who was a good match vs. taking a “let’s see what happens” attitude with any guy that wasn’t a total loser.

    I thought it was a great concept because my friend never felt objectified by having to promote herself with photos and lame online profiles… plus she stopped wasting time on communication and first dates with guys who were just not acceptable matches for her. Also, since everyone has to pay the same fee for the matchmaker’s services, there is a strong likelihood that everyone involved in the service is actually serious about finding a life partner (vs. just trolling for hookups). The first guy her matchmaker selected became her boyfriend for several months. That didn’t work out but she is now engaged to the 2nd guy the matchmaker sent her way.

    Sorry that was so long!

  5. Here’s our deal: At some point, we’ll set up an agreed upon age where we move into the same apartment building and agree to check and make sure the other one’s still alive on a daily basis. Not only will the body be found quickly, unlike with marriage we still won’t have to share the tv remote so I’m seeing a win-win here.

    My mom also gives out this piece of advice: “Girls, do yourselves a favor a get artificially inseminated, the man doesn’t add any value anyway.” I’d also volunteer to be your life coach, because those who can’t do teach, right?

    I was in this spot about 3 years ago and I just felt like a failure who was never going to accomplish anything. I didn’t make any huge, drastic changes. I held on to what I had (I stayed theoretically in my PhD program, I just moved out of Minnesota–it gave me some advantages like applying for temporary jobs as an adjunct professor) but started looking for something different. It took a long time, and it was actually when I started running, and in a lot of ways Disney became my escape from my misery. I feel better now than I have in years, but honestly I think sometimes it’s just the ebb and flow of life and I’ve found way to diversify my goals/sources of contentment so when something isn’t going well, I can focus on something else.

    • LOVE this plan. I’m assuming that this apartment will be in Lake Buena Vista?

      I like the idea of taking on something new–a new challenge, but I don’t know what that would be or how I would fit it in…and I don’t really want to leave the city I live in. Since I travel so much for work, I’ve had the opportunity to check out a number of Canadian cities and none of them got me thinking…man, I need to move here.

      Running has always been that for me–the other source of contentment, goal achievement, etc. I think what really through me for a loop yesterday was the umpteenth announcement this year of babies coming and engagements happening….it just seemed like it was happening for everyone except me and made me feel horrible…so lame….I know.

      I appreciate the advice and support though–reading the comments everyone posted made me feel a lot better…like, get up and sing Let it Go from the rooftops, better.

      PS. I think you’d be great as a life coach! 🙂

      • I lucked out in one sense–the first two people from college and high school that I know who got married also happened to have terrible divorces. One of their husbands turned out to be picking up underage girls in Eastern Europe online. Or at least what he thought were underage girls. The other’s been involved in terrible custody fights for almost 5 years now.

        I was thinking we could just inhabit an apartment in the French Pavilion in EPCOT or the lighthouse at the Yacht Club and serve as streetmosphere. No one will ever know we’re not actually supposed to be there…

      • Yikes! I have only had one friend split from her husband…and it’s been rather messy, too. Most of my other friends had only gotten married in the last few years so things are still going well with them all, fortunately.

        I like the idea of living at the French Pavilion. I do like pain au chocolat and having one everyone morning would surely be most excellent fuel for daily runs. 😉

  6. I don’t feel qualified to give you life advice, because I’m young and dumb and definitely don’t have my life together. Just know that no matter what, you have your accountabilibuddies and an online community who love you even if you’re single/lacking direction/feeling sad or whatever. HUGS!!

    • You may be young, but you certainly aren’t dumb, Miss Rae! 🙂

      I feel very lucky to have my accountibilibuddies with me and giving me support and love from across the border! It really made me feel so much better…and in fact, rather emotional (in a good way), after reading all the advice and kind words.

  7. Eh, marriage is overrated. You have to worry about things like if it’s “ok” for you to register for various RunDisney races, where, when you’re single, register away!

    But yeah, I also don’t feel qualified to give you life advice, but just know that you’re not alone. Everyone has felt like this at some point or another. To quote The Princess Bride, “Life is pain highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.” Everyone has their ups and downs, and believe me, my downs were BAD. You have so many amazing things that you do (running, baking, #buttcape, etc.) and you have us! We who love you so much that we will register for things like the Glass Slipper Challenge just to get to hang out with you! 🙂

    • Thanks Kellie! And I LOVE the Princess Bride reference. I feel like you and I are the same movie spirit animals!

      You are right though–I’m not the only one who feels this at times and most importantly, that life is full of ups and downs…and really, if this is the worst of my problems, then things are still pretty darn fantastic–especially since we have GSC and the launch of #buttcapes coming up!

      Thanks for the pep talk, Coach! How many cookies do I owe you now? 😉

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  9. I love you, Lisa.

    I’m not at the same point in life as you are but I think that the grass can always be seen as greener, from wherever you stand in the field and it’s really easy to get stuck on what isn’t instead of what is. It sounds like you are on a good path to steering clear of the funk… or at the very least working out the funky feelings. I’ve never worked with a Life Coach before but I love the idea of one and think that they can be very beneficial!

    I’m 37 and in the grand scheme of things, I look at it as YOUNG. When I was 17, 37 was O-L-D. Now? I’ve got a lot of living to do, man. I’ve got good friends, I’m healthy, I have a supportive and encouraging family. I honestly think I get better with each year that passes. 😉

    • Thanks so much Mer! I love you, too! 🙂

      You make a great point about how the grass always seems greener. I think it looks especially green to me because I have had the crappiest of luck when it comes to relationships (which I find really odd as most of my friends I have had for a decade if not, two). I think that because of that history, it just feels impossible and that’s where this stems from.

      I love hearing that you feel like you have so much living to do and you are kicking ass and taking names at 37. You are right that, in the grand scheme of things, it is young…so young and there is so much possibility for great things to happen to you and with the amazing friends and family you speak of.

      I think deep down, I know that is the case, too. It’s just hearing how everyone seems to be falling pregnant in my circle of peers/friends kinda wore down my protective barrier and just made me feel like a failure in life, despite evidence that it isn’t the case.

      I hope the life coach/therapist works out. If anything, it will be an unbiased reaction to my issues and maybe they can give me some exercises and advice to get me back to kicking butt, taking names and maybe even going out on a few days with guys who are somewhat interesting. 🙂

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