Hey there. Long time, no see!…er…speak, I guess. There is a whole heap of “stuff” that I should be tackling at this moment, but I felt like I needed to come here and just brain dump for 15 minutes. I have this guilt – I haven’t been running…I haven’t been working out…I haven’t been blogging about running or working out…I haven’t been blogging about anything, period. Life has gotten in the way lately, and it’s been really frustrating. Everything is raining down at once – family visits from both sides, hosting a bachelorette party and prepping to be in that wedding, working, teaching dance, picking up a second part-time job, sorting out work-related changes and drama, trips out of town, dog having seizures…the list goes on and on. And I know the things that keep me grounded and sane – running, working out, eating right, having a neat and tidy schedule, blogging – are the things that I need most of all right now to keep some order in my life. But I just can’t seem to make time or energy for them.
So, extra junk has come up that needs to happen right after work? Fine. Could I switch my bootcamp to 6am, or 730pm to still fit it in? Absolutely. But have I? No. Instead, I have pretty much bailed on all physical activity for the past 2 weeks, because by the time I’m done all the “need to do”s in my day, even the thought of getting up, dressed, and out the door to do anything else is completely exhausting. I just have way too many balls in the air, and it’s making me sad, and I feel like my usual coping mechanisms are failing. I have a race scheduled for June 1, with a friend who is faster than me, and I just bought a new training plan from Run The Edge, which I am really excited about trying! But am I running? No. I have a photo shoot scheduled at the end of May with my photog friend, which I am also excited about. But am I eating well and dropping those 10 lbs of winter bulk? No. Instead of using these “look forward to”s as motivation, and doing any of the good prep things that I would normally do, I’m sulking on the couch, I’m buying healthy groceries which I then ignore in favor of takeout and ice cream, I’m going to bed late, I’m drowning myself in coffee instead of water…. It’s just a perpetual cycle of blah right now, and something’s gotta give. I need even just ONE of these “issues” that I’m working on to have a breakthrough moment, to solve itself or present a way forward. And then I feel like I could make sense of the rest.
Ugh. Just ugh. It’s a weekfull of ugh.