Onward and Upward

To say I have been feeling out of sorts this week is an understatement at best.

I’m trying to move onward and upward…but it has been a struggle.  Being exhausted on so many levels combined with a level of sadness and loss I have never experienced…well, it messes with you.  My focus is non existent….and I really have no idea what to do with myself.  I want to be with people, but I want to be alone.  I want to run, but I also want to sleep.

I did finally get in a half decent run in last night.  3 miles at an 8:12 pace.  It was exhausting, but it felt good to move.  I hope to get in 4 miles tonight…after all, I have 4 races in the next two months, ranging from 5K to a half marathon.

I have also been commissioned to do some cupcakes for my friend’s husband’s 30th birthday–my St. Paddy’s special…Guinness Chocolate Cupcakes with Jameson Whiskey Chocolate ganache filling and Bailey’s Irish Cream frosting.  I look forward to making them as I find baking to be very therapeutic, but also, it will keep my mind focused on things other than feeling sad.  P.S. If you want the recipe, you can find it on Smitten Kitchen’s food blog.  It’s an amazing recipe–even if you don’t like Guinness, these are to die for.

Thanks again for all the blogger friends who offered such kind words of support upon hearing of the loss of my grandfather–it meant the world to me.

Happy Friday!

~Princess Lisa

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9 thoughts on “Onward and Upward

  1. Unfortunately, I have been through this type of loss before and the thing is, you just have to let the grief take over for a bit. For me, it took over a year filled with lots of tears and such. The first month was pretty awful.

    I understand the need to move forward as that is what your grandfather would want you to do but that isn’t what actually happens. It’s a loss and you need the time to grieve. However you wish. If you want to sleep – sleep. If you want to eat – eat. If you want to run – run. But don’t make yourself do something because you think you have to move on. That’s not how this works.

    For now, maybe you should just take a few days to be alone and then find some comfort with your friends then. What you’re going through is a huge life event. It’s ok to take your time.

    • Thanks for the advice and pep talk. Aside from making cupcakes (which I had promised to do), I didn’t do much all weekend…I pretty much slept away Sunday–no gym, no making of meals even. lol….I just ate whatever was convenient…even if it was a carrot, leftover chicken breast and a piece of rye bread. This morning I already feel 10 times better than on Friday…and though I’m not over the loss, I feel much lighter and most importantly, normal, than I have felt in days. It’s progress and I am going to take it.

      Thanks again for the support and advice my friend! Mwa!

  2. Kenny Rogers once said, you gotta know when to walk away and when to run. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over sleeping more or running less or not running as fast. You’re dealing with emotional and physical injuries–there’ll be time enough for that stuff later. You know, when the dealing is done or something.

    Now the cupcakes, those sound like a great idea.

    • The cupcakes were definitely a great idea–was nice to focus on something creative and that I know brings me peace. I also rocked out to some tunes as I baked, which I’m pretty sure helped make it more fun.

      It’s funny you mention Kenny Rogers–my gramps always used to sing that when he was planning a trip with my grams to Vegas. lol.

      I am really trying to take the advice that you and some other friends have offered–the take it easy approach…and I actually embodied that this weekend. Only ran a few miles on Friday and Saturday because I just didn’t feel like running more and then Sunday I did nothing but drift in and out of sleep on my couch. It was splendid. 🙂

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