I have spent the last seven hours in the emergency room with my dad. He was scheduled for gall bladder surgery on Monday, which had to be stopped mid-way through because of complications. This morning my dad was experiencing some new and scary symptoms and well, after suffering for 5 hours, he finally went to emergency. I met my dad at the hospital at 1:30 this afternoon…and as I said above, we are still here…after a CT scan, 2 rounds of blood work and 2 EKGs.
I am not going to lie. I am scared out of my tree. I have been fighting back tears since I first got my dad’s call at lunch hour, telling me he was going to the hospital. I just want the doctors to come and tell me what is wrong, fix whatever is wrong and let him go home to get better. This waiting in limbo is dreadful and i fear that it will end with the doctors shrugging their shoulders and sending my dad home.
I am really, really close with my dad. He is, without a doubt, my best friend…and it is really hard to watch him be sick and know that there is absolutely nothing I can do except wait and worry, thinking of worst case scenarios and who to call and what arrangements would need to be made. I am not trying to be morose or a negative thinker…my brain just keeps preparing for the worst, despite my every molecule wishing and hoping for the best.
I feel really alone at the hospital right now. My dad is really private and doesn’t like people worrying about him so I am the only one who knows he is here. Not even my older brother knows. My dad keeps trying to send me home but I won’t and can’t leave him here, in this hospital room by himself–the potential for me to regret leaving is too huge.
Anyway, I just have to vent this out now before i really explode with emotion in front of my dad. Thanks for listening everyone!